Dating Guide

Let’s go over a few rules for dating. Not all of these are not hard-and-fast laws of the dating world, by any means. However, it’s safe to say that you would be wise to abide by these rules from a general standpoint. These are especially applicable for anyone fairly new to the dating world who need a few guidelines to help get them through a much anticipated date.

1. Keep it light and casual. Nothing stuffy. This means no candlelight dinner, no flowers, no obsessing over holding every single door open, and no serious talks about the future. Just two people laughing and having fun with each other and that’s it.

2. Give yourself an out. This is especially important for going on a date with someone you met online. Always plan the first date to be something where you could leave in a moment’s notice if the person turns out to be an alarmingly bad date. Meet for a drink or coffee and maybe even set it up in advance where the other person knows you’ve got something to do in an hour. Those plans can always “magically” disappear if the two of you are getting along really well.

3. Don’t obsess over the itinerary. One of the biggest mistakes I made as a newbie dater was being too worried about “the schedule”. Going on a date isn’t like going on a class field trip. You don’t need to know what you’ll be doing every second of the date. Relax, go with the flow, and don’t make too many plans. Have a few ideas in mind, absolutely. But in general, let the evening go where it wants to go.

4. No movies on first date. Movies make a pretty bad first date. I’m not saying they make an awful first date. If you are incredibly shy, a movie could serve as a band-aid of sorts where you get to spend two hours with someone without having to talk, but I would avoid a movie-date as a first date whenever possible.

5. No dinner on first date. Same thing with movies but for a different reason. Ironically, “dinner and a movie” are what most people think a date should be. That’s just horrible! Dinner is stuffy and too personal. Eating with someone you barely know is awkward. Save the dinner dates for down the road. First dates should be meeting for a drink.

6. Don’t overdress. Dates are supposed to be fun, not serious. A person’s clothing choices actually have a large impact on their personality (ie: dressed like crap means no confidence, dressed super nice means kind of pretentious acting, etc). Dress the part on a date. This means casual, relaxed, but nice. You don’t want to look like a slob, either.

7. Humor, humor, humor! The importance of using humor on a date cannot be emphasized enough. People like to be around people who make them laugh. You could have completely mediocre looks, but if you have a hilarious personality, they’ll want to be with you more than that gorgeous idiot.

8. No talking about ex’s. ‘Nuff said.

9. No corny lines. Don’t show up to a date with an arsenal of one-liners you read in some stupid magazine. Those are lame and transparent. Just relax and be yourself. If they don’t like you for you, then screw ‘em. They’re not worth your time anyway.

10. Use their name. People like hearing their own name. Use the other person’s name from time to time in discussion. So rather than, “well aren’t you adventurous!” say, “well Rachel, aren’t you an adventurous one!” It is very important not to overdo this. When I was first starting out dating, I had some girl tell me that she thought it was creepy how often I used her name. How embarrassing!!

11. Build them up. Build the other person up, never, never tear them down. This is tricky though. You don’t want to build them up by kissing their ass or praising their existence. They won’t respect you for that. Instead, just give them the sense of being an awesome person. The best way to do this is to have a “you’re with me now” attitude. And since you’re awesome, they’re awesome for being with you.

12. No being caught looking at other people of the opposite sex. ‘Nuff said.

13. Treat servers/bartenders generously. Even if you think they’re overpaid or highly replaceable (which they are), how you treat service economy workers says a lot about you as a person. This means tip well, be friendly, and don’t put too many expectations on them or in any way be condescending to them.

14. Don’t complain. Period. Don’t complain about anything. People don’t like people who complain. (Note: An exception can be made if you’re complaining on behalf of the other person: “wow, it’s really not fair that your friend did that to you.”)

15. Expect nothing. Someone agreeing to go on a date with you is not a free pass that you’ll be “getting it on” later. They owe you nothing and you owe them nothing. Just enjoy the moment and let that be good enough.